Dear Dev Diary,
With Spooktober VN Jam done I can finally let out a breath. September has been both an exciting and stressful experience. Exciting because I got to collaborate with talented individuals who each brought their own essence into "The Raven", and stressful because of the responsibility I held as a team leader.
Ours was a very chill group, but I do wish I was more firm and thorough in setting up a deadline for us to have avoided the last-minute crunches. Although we did manage to submit it in time, there were some aspects I wasn't happy with myself. Ultimately, I let my perfectionism get the best of me in the final days, so much so I gradually began developing a love/hate relationship for the project. That is not to say, I'm not proud of how it came to be. I'm really glad of how everything worked out in the end regardless of the minor issues. But I do reprimand myself.
Throughout the final weeks, I have come to accept that perhaps, developing a visual novel is no longer something I can continue doing. I'm not the same person who I was back when I was working on "Bus Stop (2013)". I may be more equipped in creating a visual novel today, but the passion of which I carried for it simply has dimmed. I love VNs with all my heart, I met talented and incredible people within its community, so to say goodbye to its development side is heart-wrenching.
I wish I was one of those devs who can bring all their projects to life in such a limited amount of time, but I'm not. I'm my own person. I can't be like them as much as I would love to share more of my world. Hence, "Pink Rose" will be my final work as a developer. I initially planned it to be a commercial game, but is it really worth it to be considered one? I don't think so. I doubt there will be people interested in buying my works anyway. It's alright. Knowing I managed to improve the story is a good enough accomplishment. As for L'Hiver, I intend to finish it at my own pace no matter how long it takes. It doesn't mean I will spend 24 hours of my entire existence on it, however.
I don't know what's in store for me, no matter how desperately I would like a peek at it. What I do know is I need to take a step back. Find my balance. Find what sparks that creativity within me again.
I hope the players enjoyed the projects I made, and if not well... I'm glad to have shared it anyway. I am eternally grateful for the support of those who I came to view as friends. Without them encouraging me, I may have just said goodbye without a word as I have been tempted to do so many times in my dark moments. I wish I had the same courage they possess in life. But all I can do is always support their works as best as I can, and find a way to repay their kindness.
To you whose always been reading this post, I appreciate you too, human or bot may you be. To know someone out there cared all these years is a beautiful sensation. It means all the work I put into wasn't for nought.
I'll be away, for how long I don't know. I'll be back when Pink Rose is ready for release. So until then take care, always.
